About becoming famous and succesful by meeting me ...

It’s a weird thing. The people who cross my path of life always become successful. I really can’t help it. My wife recently won one of the most important writers’ prizes in Belgium, my friend S. is a hot shot manager in London, my friend S. (no, not relative to the other S.) is a famous fashion journalist, there’s Gretch who’s just famous and Obama is the president of the United States now. But this story is really weird !

It happened when I was shopping with the kids in this super market. Shopping is rather stressful. When you put too much beer in your shopping cart, you might run into someone you know and that person might notice the beer and might point at you, yelling “you alcoholic” and turn his back on you forever. Same goes for buying Playboy (unless you hide it under a newspaper or a bag of potatoes). Then there’s the kids, running around so you lose them, whining for candy, putting things in other people’s cart (condoms, beer, Playboy, … ), scaring old women by shouting ‘boo’, … and other stressful things (note to myself – write another story about that).

I lost the kids so that gave me some quality time with myself. There was this nice woman, promoting some kind of pudding. She wanted me to taste … so I did. It was very yum ! After this I tasted her pudding too. She told me there was this promotion, a price reduction of one €. I wasn’t really worried about money, I just had returned my empties which gave me a 2K bonus so I decided to tease her a bit …

“This pudding is very yum ! I’m taking some packs.”

She smiled at me. She had very nice teeth … 32 (I counted them).

“Hey wait a minute. These are 4-packs. I have a wife and 3 kiddos so I need a 5-pack.”

She was rather confused. “But but but sir, these always come in 4-packs.”

“Oh really ? And what do I have to do then ? Give one kid away for adoption ? Get a divorce ? Make someone unhappy ? I want a 5-pack !”

“But sir, you could take 2 4-packs. That’s 8 in total.”

“You’re kidding ? That even makes things worse. The first day everyone would have a pudding, but the second day … ! Did you think about that ? Only 3 left ? 2 kids unhappy ?”

She was almost crying, that poor girl. She didn’t look very clever to me so I stopped teasing her and bought 2 4-packs anyway.

I saw her back recently. She was dressed in a fancy business outfit and driving this expensive car. When she saw me, she smiled big and started to talk to me.

“Oh my god, Ren, so good to see you back. The most amazing things have happened to me. After meeting you, I raised the idea of the 5-pack in the next sales meeting. Everybody was so excited and I got a huge promotion. The 5-pack was a big hit and our sales boomed. And now I’m the worldwide sales director.” She kissed the tip of my nose and left my life.

It’s weird. When I tell a joke, someone gets succesful. When I marry a woman, she gets famous. When I send an e-mail to someone, when I chat with someone, when I tweet with someone, these things happen. I don’t get it. I wonder if this also goes for reading my blog ? So can you keep me posted ? Please ?