About the bite ...

Life can be so unfair ! A friend of mine had been bitten by an insect the day before she had to attend to a party and her elbow was all swollen. As she didn’t have a spare one, it looked like she couldn’t go to the party without being pointed at by people whispering to each other “eeeek, look at that lady, look at her elbow, oh myyyy, poor girl” … best case scenario. Worse would be a sign at the entrance “no entry for people with a swollen elbow” or “we don’t serve drinks to people with a swollen elbow”. As amputation wasn’t an option, we had to solve this problem real soon. 

I decided to start with the one who committed this crime … the insect ! As my friend had been bitten at home, I catched all the insects and bugs I could find in her house and lined them up in the local police office. They all were holding numbers but she didn’t manage to identify the one. Oh no. It probably was an insect from out of town. We needed more research. 

I was thinking about a new strategy so I started to search on the internet. After being distracted for a while (no, I won’t mention the url’s) I stumbled upon a twitter conversation like this : 

MeanInsect : Haha, I just had a juicy yummy bite in someone’s elbow
about 15 hours ago via web 

UglyBug : @MeanInsect way to go, bro. Got leftovers ?
about 15 hours ago via web in reply to MeanInsect 

MeanInsect : @UglyBug nope. But there’s still elbow left, even a lot. Elbows swell after my bites.
about 15 hours ago via web in reply to UglyBug 

MeanInsect : @UglyBug poor girl can’t go to a party now … lol
about 15 hours ago via web in reply to UglyBug 

Ha ! That was the one ! And oh my god, his tweets were geotagged ! This was too easy. I jumped into my helicopter and flew right to the place. I rushed into his house and caught him lying on his sofa, only wearing dirty underwear, surrounded by empty bottles of beer, scratching his own butt … oh wait a minute … I was looking for an insect right ? There it was, sitting on the shoulder of the drunk guy, preparing for another bite. I catched the insect and twisted his wing “You animal ! Why did you bite my friend ?? And, more important, how can we cure her in time ?” 

He moaned and screamed to leave him alone but I kept twisting his wing. “Ok, ok, Ren, I’ll tell you. The answer is straightforward. Look at this drunk guy, I’ve bitten him like a million times and he didn’t swell at all. Beer is the cure. Tell your friend to drink some beers and her elbow will be flat after some minutes.” Hmm, looked like this case had been solved. I patted his shoulder in a friendly way, wiped the blood of my hand on my shirt and went back to my friend. 

In the meantime, her elbow had been swollen even more. She even couldn’t pass through the door anymore so I went to the local brewer to get a lot of beer. 

We had big fun. She didn’t make it to the party but her elbow was all flat again. Just before falling asleep she smiled at me and whispered “So if Ke$ha was British, her name would be Ke£ha?”