About losing my Muse ...

“Ren, you didn’t post for some days”.

I know. I haven’t written anything for some days. Except for some shopping lists, a birthday card and my will. And you know why I haven’t blogged ? No ? Well, you can choose why. There are 2 possibilities. Make your own reality. Make my reality. Change history. You can do that.

First possibility. My Muse turned her back on me. I’m not a-muse-d. Ok, bad joke, see what happens when muses turn their back on people. I only needed like 3 messages from her to write a great story. She left me behind, staring at an empty wall, wondering if the spider would eat the fly or not. Of course she did ! Spiders eat flies like we eat French Belgian fries with mayonnaise (I’m from Belgium, remember). Spiders try to survive on a daily base, flies I’m not so sure. Seems like they don’t have a plan, they just fly. Spiders make webs – they’ve been thinking about that.

Anyway … I tried to replace her by kidnapping 2 random women in the street, I looked deeply in their eyes and shouted at them ‘Inspire me, women’ ! They did. They smashed their Prada handbags on my face and ran away. Now that’s a story *takes note – write – violent –story*.

Hmm, still no inspiration … a blank piece of paper … Oh no ! So I called my agent and asked him to arrange something. Now I have a ghost writing team in Switzerland, on the borders of Lake Geneva. 5 women and 3 guys (8! In total - hail to MS Calculator). They have a nice office in Montreux which costs me loads of money. I’m considering selling my kidney to pay all those expenses. But they’re good. They can write the word ‘Ghost’ in any language and any font.

Second possibility. I got arrested and spent 3 days in jail. Makes sense ? Are you choosing for this reality ? That would be weird. Are you ? Ok, fair enough, I’ll tell ya what happened.

I stole a joke. From my Muse. I guess she found out, called the police and left me. That’s how life goes. I was watching Chelsea on comedy central (I never ever watch TV) when I heard an approaching chopper. The next moment some special forces jumped through my window. I think they got hurt by doing that. I have glass in my windows and it broke down. They were bleeding and whining so I brought some of them to hospital. The ones that didn’t get hurt, arrested me later. “Ren, you stole a joke”. I just crossed my arms, looked away and whistled “The first Noel”. “Ren, it’s a crime. She’s all upset now, you already wrote a crappy story when she asked you to write something nice and now you steal her joke. Give it back !”. I put my hand on my pocket and yelled “NO !”. So I ended up in jail for some days. Then after 3 days there was lack of cells so they kicked me out.

Choose ! Make history or change it. But my Muse is gone. Unless I can make her come back. I have cookies, my breath doesn’t smell and I haven’t got weapons of mass destruction in my garage ... and I'll return her joke. Come back. I’m a nice guy. I don’t want to loose my kidney.